you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
