I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just had sex on a roof
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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