it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
