Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
