I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
