How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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