I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
