I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
