My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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