insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
