We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
