the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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