Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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