So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
