bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i came on her dog
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
