so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I deserve this hangover.
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