when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
