i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
