If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
