Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
