In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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