so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Buhtt sex?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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