Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
