She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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