You're my little dorito
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
