Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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