Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
