You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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