well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
