I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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