So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
