Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
