Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
