Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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