DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
PANTIES FOUND
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