I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
