I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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