Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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