I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
