I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
