youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
