I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
