New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
