Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
