yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
