How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
