So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
