i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
