Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
