Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
