My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
