I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
