i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
