I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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