What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What a dumb baby whore.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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