I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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